Author Archives: farmer

Hokey Smokes, Quicksdraw

My good friend Jack Cluth just barely missed being street pizza within the last 24 hours. As usual, through a lot of luck and some impeccable timing one human being made it and another is taking the big dirt nap.

Having seen death real up close and personal when my roommate died a few years ago, I can personally attest to just being close to such an event is extremely unsettling.

Hope things work out okay, Jack. Count those lucky stars and hope you have more of them tucked in your back pocket for the next time…

Absolutely Amazing

Tuesday, 6 Conclusion 2016

Apparently the southern states of ths USA are going through natural disasters which are almost biblical. And I have yet to hear from any of the usual religiously insane idiots (like Pat Effing Robertson or Mike The Hucksterbee) about how this is Gawd’s divine retribution for supporting a short fingered disaster monkey in the election. and pissing away any sort of moral high ground that they may have thought they had. Not that that will stop them from being religiously insane pontificating dunsels.

Funny how that works…

Quick Thought For The Day

Sunday, 5 Conclusion 2016

Dear Gerrymandering Republicant Election Thieves:

Do you realize that the nomination of someone to head the Department of Health and Human Services who is determined to dismantle Social Security benefits (including Medicare) is ratcheting up the stress levels of a significant proportion of the amerikkkan people? If so, is it considered a design bonus or a design flaw? Or was it the whole point all along? Because, you know, end times and rapture and all, but also too mass hysteria and cats and dogs living together, and has this really been simulated and rehearsed enough?

I guess we will be finding out shortly…

Quick Question

Saturday, 4 Conclusion 2016

So I hope it’s okay with Barry Effing @crimmins if I try and say something outside of the Twitter feed he thought it best to bully me off, but since this is my world that mothercheneying bully can quip about it all he wants and it won’t mean a frelling thing. As it usually doesn’t…

Anyways,… apparently Forrest Drumpf recently summoned the conservative mainstream media for a private off the record meeting. Hey, at least Darth Cheney waited until after stealing the election to summon the energy execs for his secret off the books cabal…

But I still haven’t seen anyone discuss, much less satisfactorily explain to me, something about this incident. Apparently Hair Fuhror started reaming the networks for their lies and that they should be ashamed of themselves. With a straight face. Apparently in complete ignorance of the irony of something like that coming from his vacuous pie hole.

What I don’t understand: the moment I heard any of this dren coming from the Mafia Owned Don I would have gathered my employees, told this pestilent pile of kimchi where he could stick his comments, leave one junior staff member to record the rest of his childish rant, tell him that this meeting is now on the record, and walked the frak out with the rest of my staff.

Am I missing something? Why did anyone put up with this kind of bullying from this megalomaniac? Why didn’t they call him out on this nonsense? Inquiring minds want to know…

…And The Twitter Feed Is No More

Can’t even find the original tweet – something about there never being as many sore winners as there are right now – a mighty quip that Your Humble Narrator could never hope to aspire to emulating even if he had an infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters. From someone relatively well known on my followers list. That I have a ton of respect and admiration for from back in the BartCop days. Who has discussed how he has been abused by others.

Update 5 Conclusion 2016: Found the original tweet:

Just hanging out there like a fat changeup that I was waiting on…


@crimmins it sounds like you don’t remember 2000 very well as I remember a ton of sore winners back then


@FunnyFarmer10 Fcuk quip nitpicking. Seriously. Write one fcuking quip that good EVER hashtag game player w 16 followers. Go away.


Going away now. Thanks for making this day extra special for me.

Amerikkka Is so Screwed Right Now

Tuesday, 15 Betteroff, 2016

An orange terror ditto monkey has been electorated as pResident of these United states of Amerikkka*, and while I’m happy that stand-up philosophers will have lots of material for the next four years (at least) I now fear that Emperor Cartagia might make the profession a bit more risky. I’m also sad that the courts will be frelled for generations and prolly Mel Brooks (among others) will not live long enough to see a happy future for this country.

A couple of Republicants that I know personally will be in for a rude shock especially now that their support for T Rump made a crucial difference in the outcome and the joke is not even remotely close to amusing anymore.

And of course now everything here is in flux because when things get canceled and laws get rescinded there will be one more underemployed late 50’s white male hanging around, slowly starving, and unwillingly becoming part of the surplus population…

Share and Enjoy! – soon you may be legally required to do so if you are an amerikkkan citizen

* – it’s spelt that way for at least four years…

It’s That Time Of Year Somewhat Earlier Than Normal This Year

Humpday, 9 Betteroff 2016

Hi everybody! This post is coming earlier than usual this year for a plethora of reasons. First and foremost, after last year I had almost half of this year’s mix left over. This one’s been percolating in the back of my mind for a while now. I also have been stressed out to the limits of my endurance at various points in time this year, and now have the great fortune to have come through my own fire. And recovered from the burns.

Also too it seems to be somewhat stressful for a metric Cheneyton of people these days. Especially in the greater North American continent what with all the T Rumplings running amok and some of the more radical right wing christian terrorists shooting up things more often. So maybe somebody can decompress and get their minds right to the point that they are ready to embrace The Church of The Afternoon Nap and throw off the shackles of traditional religious fanaticism. Just maybe…

And some Cubbies ended a drought of over one hundred years and won the last game of the year. In extra innings. So an entire year of baseball, and things come down to the last game possible. And it’s tied at the end of regulation… Congrats to the Chicago Cubs and long suffering Cubs fans all over!

So, for these and so many more reasons, but most importantly because I got the frelling thing done already, it’s time to provide you once again with the best (cough) in non-traditional non-superstition based holiday musical montages. As always huge props to the master, DJ Riko for showing me the way – please go over to his site and check out his fine 2016 offering once he gets it up on his site.

Here’s the track list for the 2016 Xmas MegaMixx:

Bill Murray, Mylie Cyrus, & P Shaffer&Band-Let It Snow
Dan McCaslin-Spirit Of Christmas
Moonglows-Hey Santa Claus
Jars Of Clay-Hibernation Day
Klark Kent-Yo Ho Ho
Liz Phair & Aimee Mann-Ho Ho Ho
Christina Perri-Something About December
Great Lake Swimmers-Hang A String Of Lights
Canned Heat-Christmas Boogie
Chuck Berry-Run Rudolph Run
Yellowcard-Christmas Lights
Marvin Gaye-Purple Snowflakes
Jona Lewie-Stop The Cavalry
Wall Of Voodoo-Shouldn’t Have Given Him A Gun For Christmas
Fall Out Boy-Yule Shoot Yer Eye Out
Fitz and The Tantrums-Santa Stole My Lady
The Futureheads-Christmas Was Better In The 80’s
Andrea Perry-Christmas With Fat Aunt Bette
Julian Casablancas-I Wish It Was Christmas Today
The Killers featuring Ryan Pardey-I Feel It In My Bones
National Lampoon featuring Murray Bros & Gilda Radner-Kung Fu Christmas
Ella Fitzgerald-What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

This year it was interesting to get a few songs that I have been wanting to finally get to into the mix, including one that one of my friends helped put together. The National Lampoon cut was a pretty good find as well – Brian Doyle-Murray, his brother Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, and National Frelling Lampoon, people! These things also seem to take on a life of their own – going back through them I definitely see themes going through them besides the ones I try to put in myself.

I am also getting a big pile of songs that are not family friendly enough for inclusion in the mega mixxes. One might almost think of them as anti-Christmas songs – and not the cutesy kind like Christmas Prison (from 2011’s mix). Adult themes and not-nice christmas wishes and other stuff I don’t even want to get into – but fantastic music from wondrous musical groupings. I was thinking I might put something together. Maybe even later this year…

I have also done something this year that I have never done before, and I have woven at least two themes into this year’s Mega Mixx. I will be giving out prizes this year to the first people who correctly suss out either of these two mysteries. Aren’t you supposed to give away stuff for Christmas?

If you wish to comment on this post, try and solve this year’s Xmas Mysteries, or download this or any of the Mega Mixxes, please email me – the directory is behind the Funny Farm Filings Fence and you will need to get the user name / password from me if you didn’t save it last year.

Share and Enjoy!

Ahead Of The Curve For Once

Sunday, 30 Wintring

Well it seems that I have managed to get a few things done a little bit ahead of schedule, and I am wondering how to deal with the situation. Especially being bipolar to an alarming extent and examining what it’s like to feel like you’ve actually finished something.

Which is to say that as soon as I can get a few more ducks in a row I will be putting this year’s Xmas Mega Mixx up – before Halloween! It was especially nice to be able to put a song in this year that was written and performed by a personal friend, and produced, mixed, and engineered by another in his recording studio. I am also realizing that besides that conscious xmas song grouping I have been delberately engaging in while making these mixes, there’s a lot of subconscious stuff being played out as well. I didn’t really notice the secondary theme running through this year’s selections until well after the jigsaw had been put together – and that’s all I’m saying for now except: there will be mathom distribution gifts – besides the gift of strange and wondrous yuletide music freely distributed – to be striven and fought for this year.

If you would like to check out any of the previous mixes, please email me and I will supply you with the details you need to access what is currently available.

Oh yes I am also grooving on a nice start to the Habs season, but now I have to worry about crying like a Leafs fan in April if anything goes wrong again – so it’s more of a mellow groove at this point in time. With the starting up of the NBA and Cubbies and Indians in the World Series there are an awful lot of good distracting sporting activities going on these days. Hope you get your fill – or conversely have enough other things to distract you that the sports cornucopia doesn’t get in your way. Otherwise get ready for some scary trick or treaters in your neighborhood, slow down, and take it easy.

Share and Enjoy!

Shameless Pandering

Hey kids! I haven’t really been utilizing this platform properly of late what with all the trying to survive on zero income and the myriad medical probings and the existential crisis the reich wing Republicants have been going through lately, but hopefully that will change in that perhaps some of my previous journamalistic exercises will be re-released on these pages.

In the meanwhile I have been busily tweaking the Mafia Owned Don on my Twitter feed along with any other juicy targets that present themselves. Please consider following my Twitter feed and stopping by to say hello if you do that sort of thing.

And also I managed to find an old acquaintance who used to do the radio show at the Mess just before I went on. After an amazing lifetime of wondrous adventure he is now the head brewmeister at Strathcona Beer Company [warning: video autoplays at link] in Vancouver, British Columbia. Congrats Fezz and that follower your brewpub has from Michigan is Your Humble Narrator. I’m thinking of trying to convince Doc and the boys to take a trip out to sample your wares even though most of them are single malt kind of guys because everybody likes beer!

Anyways,… today also happens to be the occasion of my oldest younger sister’s fifty-fourth birthday. Remember, it’s just a number – a constantly increasing fairly large number, but still…

Blast From The Past

Humpday, 11 Wintring 2016

Here’s a little something I first posted in Falltring (roughly Septemberish) 2005:


Update From The Front

Tuesday, 26 Falltring 2005

We aren’t sure if there are many of you out there who have even heard of the Veggie Van, much less keep up with its’ adventures in traveling around the country and promoting biodiesel as an alternative to petroleum based fuel.

However, we have to tell you that Josh Tickell has been busy in the last few weeks helping out with NOLA disaster recovery*. Here’s the latest update on his activities, as well as a request for some assistance. If you live in the Altanta area, we would like to ask that you pay particular attention to this message:

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your continued donations and support for our relief work in Louisiana. If you are reading this email, then our ship has passed the Gulf oil derricks and dipped back into cell phone coverage, and we are likely close to, or inside of the mouth of the Mississippi River. It has been an amazing voyage and I will soon have updates available on my blog at

Until then, we need help organizing the next portion of the Veggie Van’s trip across the Southeast.

We are in need of the following:

1) A car and driver to follow the Veggie Van from Lake Charles, Louisiana to Atlanta, Georgia. We will depart from Lake Charles on Wed. Sept. 21 and arrive in Atlanta on Saturday Sept 24. (This may slide forward a day depending on conditions). Car and driver will travel with
a cameraperson to get shots from the road. We will be staying with families affected by the Katrina disaster. This is semi-voluntary work. We will pay for your food, fuel and take care of your accommodations as well as give you $25/day.

2) A qualified diesel or truck mechanic in Atlanta, Georgia that can take receipt of the Veggie Van upon arrival. Known problems so far include a coolant hose that must be replaced and a leaking brake system. Other problems may arise with the old van before she lands in

3) A friend who can offer two or three people a place to stay in Atlanta for one night.

4) A safe place to keep the Veggie Van in Atlanta for about a month. The van is 21 feet long, 8.5 feet wide and 8 foot 8 inches tall.

Please let us know if you can help us on this incredible voyage by emailing the item you can help with and your contact details to:

And don’t forget to read my blog and listen to my audio updates on

Thank you!

Josh Tickell

We wish Josh all the best in his efforts, and ask once more: if you’re in metro Altanta, and you can give him and his group some assistance, please consider doing so. You’ll be glad you did!

* – amazing how progressives seem to be helping out without even being asked, or being concerned about their profit margins on the recovery work. Funny how that works…


I am happy to report that Josh is still around and interested in helping anyone who would like to try and tyransition from fossil fuels to more sustainable alternatives. I have sent a message and might even update the studio audience if I get any information to update you with.

Share and Enjoy!