Category Archives: Politics

Quick Thought For The Day

Sunday, 5 Conclusion 2016

Dear Gerrymandering Republicant Election Thieves:

Do you realize that the nomination of someone to head the Department of Health and Human Services who is determined to dismantle Social Security benefits (including Medicare) is ratcheting up the stress levels of a significant proportion of the amerikkkan people? If so, is it considered a design bonus or a design flaw? Or was it the whole point all along? Because, you know, end times and rapture and all, but also too mass hysteria and cats and dogs living together, and has this really been simulated and rehearsed enough?

I guess we will be finding out shortly…

Amerikkka Is so Screwed Right Now

Tuesday, 15 Betteroff, 2016

An orange terror ditto monkey has been electorated as pResident of these United states of Amerikkka*, and while I’m happy that stand-up philosophers will have lots of material for the next four years (at least) I now fear that Emperor Cartagia might make the profession a bit more risky. I’m also sad that the courts will be frelled for generations and prolly Mel Brooks (among others) will not live long enough to see a happy future for this country.

A couple of Republicants that I know personally will be in for a rude shock especially now that their support for T Rump made a crucial difference in the outcome and the joke is not even remotely close to amusing anymore.

And of course now everything here is in flux because when things get canceled and laws get rescinded there will be one more underemployed late 50’s white male hanging around, slowly starving, and unwillingly becoming part of the surplus population…

Share and Enjoy! – soon you may be legally required to do so if you are an amerikkkan citizen

* – it’s spelt that way for at least four years…

More Quick Questions To The Traitourous Hypocritical Republicant Trumplings Who Cast Even More Hypocritical Allegations On The Character Of The Democratic Candidate For President Of The United States Of America

Tuesday, 28 Sweltring 2016

I notice yet more streams of projectile propaganda excrement coming from the usual vacuous pieholes regarding the Clinton Foundation, even more emails – maybe even up to 100 thousand in total! – and junta-like threats of imprisoning political opponents from the campaign of the Orange Julius.

Funny – when the Ray-Guns were selling White House favors, when both PapaDoc and BabyDoc did it, you said nothing.

Also too, almost equally (but even more tragically) funny – BabyDoc lost millions of emails during the illegal immoral war in Iraq. And you blew it off like it was no big deal, and why should anyone even think about bringing it up?

Besides wondering how you can look yourself in the mirror every morning, once again I wonder why you think anyone cares what hypocritical nonsense you spew now?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Quick Question To Any Traitourous Hypocritical Republicant Trumpling Who Questions The Health Of The Democratic Candidate For President Of The United States Of America

Saturday, 26 Sweltring 2016

Why were you silent when you knew Ronnie Ray-Gun had Alzheimiers while running for president in 1984? Why did you say nothing while his cabal ran the country for the rest of his presidency while he drooled quietly into his jellybeans?

And why do you think anyone cares what hypocritical nonsense you spew now?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Minor Correction From The Funny Farm News Burro

Saturday, 12 Sweltring 2016

In the previous post, this website refereed to the Caligula Combover as a Mafia Don – which, if he were, he would not be doing any of the idiotic crap he has been in the first place. No one here wishes to disparage any organizations that might be offended by being considered to be willing to consider the Short Fingered Vulgarian as a member.

While unsure whether Forrest Drumpf still owes a favor to the american mafia, or owes a metric farkton of money to the russian mafia, or both, The Funny Farm News Burro wishes to refer to Agent Orange as Bought And Owned By The Mafia Don instead of Mafia Don.

Quick Questions To The pResidential Campaign Of The Short Fingered Trumperor That The Republicants Should Be Ashamed To Be Inflicting On The American People

Friday, 10 Sweltring 2016

Besides being major league arseholes to anyone approaching my level of distaste for the trainwreck you laughingly call a party platform, your town halls*, your press conferences**, and your ever-shifting Policy positions***, I’m wondering if there are still foreigners who are receiving email solicitations from your campaign. Maybe a Trumpling would care to point me to somewhere an update on the situation can be found?

Also, too – I understand that people are unable to stop recurring donations to your campaign once they have started. As a computer programmer who could fix something like that in less time than it took you to embarass yourself with your shameful behavior to the families of military veterans, I’m wondering if you can still pass this off as a bug to the patsies who got phished into that scam…

Which brings me to the real question I have: no matter how many times I unsubscribe to receive any communication from your general direction, no matter how much I report you to Hotmail as a phishing scam, no matter how much I block your steaming loads of Republicant kimchi – I still receive daily emails from your slanderous propaganda outlets. Multiple emails. Every day.

I’m wondering if you think that this is a Yuuuuuge strategery, an amaaaazing strategery, or a fantaaatstic strategery in terms of how likely this will make me want to consider any Republicant ever for any office for the rest of my voting span? Do you think that the Nigerian prince scam is a good internets business model?

Inquiring minds want to know…

* – which are so unlike the “town halls” that you meticulously planned to disrupt proceedings when it didn’t suit your agenda to cause some to wonder if doublethink has now been incorporated into Republicant Party lingo by Newtie and the Boyz

** – which have also taken the term “press conference” to hitherto unknown realms as far as reality is concerned…

*** – speaking of which, it is interesting that no one seems to be constantly questioning the Mafia Don about his silly wall which is probably hundreds of feet high by now with super nega-ray scanners that will identify humanoids before they get within 100 feet of the border and let the good ones (cough) through so they can get to their jobs on time…

Quick Note To The Democratic Party And The Hillary Clinton Campaign

Thursday, 25 Promise 2016

If you *really* want to piss off all the progressives and make them think more than twice about Lord Short Thumbs as a protest vote, by all means consider Tim Kaine or any other whitebread conservative Yellow Dog Democrat you can dredge and prop up next week in Philly*.

However, if you want to think outside of the box, and could get any of the following to consider running with Hillary as veep, it would be a lot better than Kaine / Vilsack:

John Hickenlooper
Charlie Crist
Barack Obama**
Sherrod Brown
Ken Salazar

I would also, as someone who finds the Democrats waaaay not liberal enough, suggest someone like Michael Moore, if you could convince him, to run. He would be perfect to counter Trumpian shenanigans…

But please please please don’t pick some conservative wannabe Republicant to be your running mate and it would be nice if at least one of the major political parties stopped punching down at the dirty hippies for a change. Just sayin’…

* – with the possible exception of Grampa Joe Biden – if you could convince him to run again…

** – although I would prefer to let him sit out there until Hillary gets a bullet proof Senate majority so that she could nominate him for Supreme Court Justice…

Why I Will Never Become The Attorney General Of The United States

Fryday, 4 Shivring 2015

…explained in one simple question and answer:

Senator John Cornyn, (R-eligiously Insane): You’re not Eric Holder, are you?

Your Humble Narrator: You seriously can’t tell us apart? I had heard that some white folk can’t tell one darkie from another, but I was unaware that any of those people were currently members of the United States Senate.

Aaaaaand – confirmation denied!

Also, too: Yes, this was an actual question that was repeatedly asked by Republicant douchewads to the current nominee for the position of Attorney General of the United States.

Not Dead Yet…

Tuesday, 30 Premise 2015

…just really depressed by life, the universe, and everything these days. The holidays were less fun this year, featuring a family who seems to be ostracizing me over a bunch of reich wing propaganda from the Great Satan to the North, some friends who don’t want to deal with me in person any more, increased reliance on survival as opposed to living, doctor’s staff that thinks they can make medical decisions for me and can’t perform at even a competent, much less satisfactory, level, no job prospects for the rest of my life, and a bunch of other unrelated (to me) reich wing psychos who are trying to turn this country into what it once was – an arctic region covered in ice.

So – things could be better.

In the meantime, I’d like to go back to my blogging roots by parodying a reich wing press release:

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PRESS RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Funny Farmer, The Funny Farm

Tuesday, 30 Premise, 2015

Scalia and Thomas: Recuse Yourselves!

The Funny Farm Says Supreme Court Justices Should Step Down on SCOTUS Marriage Cases

The Internets—The issue of same-sex marriage in America has divided the country this past year, with state, district and federal courts issuing ruling after ruling.

In light of the U.S. Supreme Court’s announcement that it will hear the issue, The Funny Farm (www.funnyfarmonline.org) says Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas should recuse themselves from making any marriage decisions because Thomas has conducted marriage ceremonies. And Scalia has made various religiously insane homophobic remarks while on the Spureme Court.

“All of these justices’ personal and private actions that actively endorse marriage clearly indicate how they would vote on same-sex marriage cases before the Supreme Court,” parodied The Funny Farm. “Congress has directed that federal judicial officers must disqualify themselves from hearing cases in specified circumstances. Scalia and Thomas have not only been opposed to same-sex marriage but they have also proven themselves to be activists on the subject. In order to ensure the Court’s integrity and impartiality, both should recuse themselves from same-sex marriage cases. Congress has an obligation to Americans to see that members of the Supreme Court are held to the highest standards of integrity. The law demands it, and the people deserve it.”

The Funny Farm is producing this parody of an actual press release from actual grown adults, asking all to write a letter to their members of Congress, urging them to remind members of the nation’s highest court of their charge to maintain impartiality. Title 28, Part I, Chapter 21, Section 455 of the U.S. Code titled “Disqualification of justice, judge, or magistrate judge,” states that “Any justice, judge, or magistrate judge of the United States shall disqualify himself in any proceeding in which his impartiality might reasonably be questioned.”

Thomas performed a May 27, 1994 marriage ceremony for lying sack of kimchi Rush Limbaugh and his third trophy wife (now divorced after the marriage contract period has completed) in Virginia. And Scalia has compared homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia in published Supreme Court opinions.

Scalia has never considered any of his prejudices as being sufficient to recuse himself for any case before the Supreme Court to date. His well known religiously insane rants have been a staple of the court for years now.

The Funny Farm suggests in this Action Alert that concerned Americans write a letter to their members of Congress urging them to call on Justices Scalia and Thomas to recuse themselves from any same-sex marriage cases, as their previous actions in performing opposite-sex ceremonies, and their previous Supreme Court opinions involving homosexuality raise more than a reasonable doubt regarding their impartiality on this issue.

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I would like to point out that the original press release demands that Kagan and Ginsburg recuse themselves because they officiated at same sex wedding ceremonies, but surprisingly does not mention that these justices have also presided at opposite sex marriages, and do not think that they should be recused from any same sex marriage cases because their officiating at opposite sex marriage ceremonies does not prejudice them against same sex marriage. Funny how that works…

There have also been other Supremes who have officiated at wedding ceremonies, by the way. I originally included Scalito in the bunch who should be recused, but there is so little about him online that I could not find any examples to hammer him with.

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