Category Archives: Republicants

Quick Question

Saturday, 4 Conclusion 2016

So I hope it’s okay with Barry Effing @crimmins if I try and say something outside of the Twitter feed he thought it best to bully me off, but since this is my world that mothercheneying bully can quip about it all he wants and it won’t mean a frelling thing. As it usually doesn’t…

Anyways,… apparently Forrest Drumpf recently summoned the conservative mainstream media for a private off the record meeting. Hey, at least Darth Cheney waited until after stealing the election to summon the energy execs for his secret off the books cabal…

But I still haven’t seen anyone discuss, much less satisfactorily explain to me, something about this incident. Apparently Hair Fuhror started reaming the networks for their lies and that they should be ashamed of themselves. With a straight face. Apparently in complete ignorance of the irony of something like that coming from his vacuous pie hole.

What I don’t understand: the moment I heard any of this dren coming from the Mafia Owned Don I would have gathered my employees, told this pestilent pile of kimchi where he could stick his comments, leave one junior staff member to record the rest of his childish rant, tell him that this meeting is now on the record, and walked the frak out with the rest of my staff.

Am I missing something? Why did anyone put up with this kind of bullying from this megalomaniac? Why didn’t they call him out on this nonsense? Inquiring minds want to know…

Amerikkka Is so Screwed Right Now

Tuesday, 15 Betteroff, 2016

An orange terror ditto monkey has been electorated as pResident of these United states of Amerikkka*, and while I’m happy that stand-up philosophers will have lots of material for the next four years (at least) I now fear that Emperor Cartagia might make the profession a bit more risky. I’m also sad that the courts will be frelled for generations and prolly Mel Brooks (among others) will not live long enough to see a happy future for this country.

A couple of Republicants that I know personally will be in for a rude shock especially now that their support for T Rump made a crucial difference in the outcome and the joke is not even remotely close to amusing anymore.

And of course now everything here is in flux because when things get canceled and laws get rescinded there will be one more underemployed late 50’s white male hanging around, slowly starving, and unwillingly becoming part of the surplus population…

Share and Enjoy! – soon you may be legally required to do so if you are an amerikkkan citizen

* – it’s spelt that way for at least four years…

More Quick Questions To The Traitourous Hypocritical Republicant Trumplings Who Cast Even More Hypocritical Allegations On The Character Of The Democratic Candidate For President Of The United States Of America

Tuesday, 28 Sweltring 2016

I notice yet more streams of projectile propaganda excrement coming from the usual vacuous pieholes regarding the Clinton Foundation, even more emails – maybe even up to 100 thousand in total! – and junta-like threats of imprisoning political opponents from the campaign of the Orange Julius.

Funny – when the Ray-Guns were selling White House favors, when both PapaDoc and BabyDoc did it, you said nothing.

Also too, almost equally (but even more tragically) funny – BabyDoc lost millions of emails during the illegal immoral war in Iraq. And you blew it off like it was no big deal, and why should anyone even think about bringing it up?

Besides wondering how you can look yourself in the mirror every morning, once again I wonder why you think anyone cares what hypocritical nonsense you spew now?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Quick Question To Any Traitourous Hypocritical Republicant Trumpling Who Questions The Health Of The Democratic Candidate For President Of The United States Of America

Saturday, 26 Sweltring 2016

Why were you silent when you knew Ronnie Ray-Gun had Alzheimiers while running for president in 1984? Why did you say nothing while his cabal ran the country for the rest of his presidency while he drooled quietly into his jellybeans?

And why do you think anyone cares what hypocritical nonsense you spew now?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Minor Correction From The Funny Farm News Burro

Saturday, 12 Sweltring 2016

In the previous post, this website refereed to the Caligula Combover as a Mafia Don – which, if he were, he would not be doing any of the idiotic crap he has been in the first place. No one here wishes to disparage any organizations that might be offended by being considered to be willing to consider the Short Fingered Vulgarian as a member.

While unsure whether Forrest Drumpf still owes a favor to the american mafia, or owes a metric farkton of money to the russian mafia, or both, The Funny Farm News Burro wishes to refer to Agent Orange as Bought And Owned By The Mafia Don instead of Mafia Don.

Quick Questions To The pResidential Campaign Of The Short Fingered Trumperor That The Republicants Should Be Ashamed To Be Inflicting On The American People

Friday, 10 Sweltring 2016

Besides being major league arseholes to anyone approaching my level of distaste for the trainwreck you laughingly call a party platform, your town halls*, your press conferences**, and your ever-shifting Policy positions***, I’m wondering if there are still foreigners who are receiving email solicitations from your campaign. Maybe a Trumpling would care to point me to somewhere an update on the situation can be found?

Also, too – I understand that people are unable to stop recurring donations to your campaign once they have started. As a computer programmer who could fix something like that in less time than it took you to embarass yourself with your shameful behavior to the families of military veterans, I’m wondering if you can still pass this off as a bug to the patsies who got phished into that scam…

Which brings me to the real question I have: no matter how many times I unsubscribe to receive any communication from your general direction, no matter how much I report you to Hotmail as a phishing scam, no matter how much I block your steaming loads of Republicant kimchi – I still receive daily emails from your slanderous propaganda outlets. Multiple emails. Every day.

I’m wondering if you think that this is a Yuuuuuge strategery, an amaaaazing strategery, or a fantaaatstic strategery in terms of how likely this will make me want to consider any Republicant ever for any office for the rest of my voting span? Do you think that the Nigerian prince scam is a good internets business model?

Inquiring minds want to know…

* – which are so unlike the “town halls” that you meticulously planned to disrupt proceedings when it didn’t suit your agenda to cause some to wonder if doublethink has now been incorporated into Republicant Party lingo by Newtie and the Boyz

** – which have also taken the term “press conference” to hitherto unknown realms as far as reality is concerned…

*** – speaking of which, it is interesting that no one seems to be constantly questioning the Mafia Don about his silly wall which is probably hundreds of feet high by now with super nega-ray scanners that will identify humanoids before they get within 100 feet of the border and let the good ones (cough) through so they can get to their jobs on time…

Quick Note To The Traitourous Farging Republicant Iceholes Running This Country (Into the Ground)

Thursday, 30 Shivring 2016

It is my sincere wish that one day the Democratic Party does exactly the same thing that you have done to the first African American president, who won both of his elections by a larger margin than anyone since Red Ink Ray-Gun. Declare him illegitimate from day one, obstruct everything and anything that comes from his office, and constantly bring legislation up to dismantle anything he does accomplish.

Republicants have obstructed everything that this president has tried to do and continue to do so at unprecedented levels. There are those of us out in the real world who feel as strongly about unethical illegal Republicant shenanigans as the Republicants do when real people express any sort of objections to his fascist agenda. It would be interesting (although in all probability completely predictable) to watch the Republicants caterwauling about being treated the same way that they treat others. It would be interesting to see the reaction by the american people if liberals started shooting up everything and everyone in sight the way Republicant domestic terrorists have been doing since the moment Obama was legally elected. It would be astounding if the right wing media covered the Republicant campaign of domestic terrorism over the last seven years in an even remotely balanced manner. And it would be supremely appropriate to let all the republicant enablers out there who says that “both parties are the same” see what life would be like if their bullhockey about both parties were actually even somewhere close to reality.

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On a related side note, I apologize to the rest of the american people for the blinkered Republicant philistines that are the majority of the rest of my relatives. My mother had no problems with the Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Deserter (During Wartime) taking away my employment, giving away half of the treasury to his rich friends, putting tax giveaways to the rich in place with a bunch of Republicant lies, ruining the world economy, ruining 5000+ families by sending their best and brightest to be killed in an illegitimate illegal war, and treating anyone who objected to their fascist schemes as a traitor. But she can’t even say Obama’s name because she has been having nightmares that the U.S. might make her pay capital gains taxes on her Canadian property at some unknown unspecified time in the future*. And she’s one of the more rational of my relatives…

* – the property would need to be valued at over two million dollars (it’s not) and she would need not to have a gazillion deductions (she does) or alternate methods to make the property not eligible for this treatment (which she also has). Mind you, the increased cost of renouncing american citizenship (it’s currently $2,350) and the requirement for foreign nationals to file income taxes have not helped the situation any…

Why I Will Never Become The Attorney General Of The United States

Fryday, 4 Shivring 2015

…explained in one simple question and answer:

Senator John Cornyn, (R-eligiously Insane): You’re not Eric Holder, are you?

Your Humble Narrator: You seriously can’t tell us apart? I had heard that some white folk can’t tell one darkie from another, but I was unaware that any of those people were currently members of the United States Senate.

Aaaaaand – confirmation denied!

Also, too: Yes, this was an actual question that was repeatedly asked by Republicant douchewads to the current nominee for the position of Attorney General of the United States.

Not Dead Yet…

Tuesday, 30 Premise 2015

…just really depressed by life, the universe, and everything these days. The holidays were less fun this year, featuring a family who seems to be ostracizing me over a bunch of reich wing propaganda from the Great Satan to the North, some friends who don’t want to deal with me in person any more, increased reliance on survival as opposed to living, doctor’s staff that thinks they can make medical decisions for me and can’t perform at even a competent, much less satisfactory, level, no job prospects for the rest of my life, and a bunch of other unrelated (to me) reich wing psychos who are trying to turn this country into what it once was – an arctic region covered in ice.

So – things could be better.

In the meantime, I’d like to go back to my blogging roots by parodying a reich wing press release:

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PRESS RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Funny Farmer, The Funny Farm

Tuesday, 30 Premise, 2015

Scalia and Thomas: Recuse Yourselves!

The Funny Farm Says Supreme Court Justices Should Step Down on SCOTUS Marriage Cases

The Internets—The issue of same-sex marriage in America has divided the country this past year, with state, district and federal courts issuing ruling after ruling.

In light of the U.S. Supreme Court’s announcement that it will hear the issue, The Funny Farm (www.funnyfarmonline.org) says Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas should recuse themselves from making any marriage decisions because Thomas has conducted marriage ceremonies. And Scalia has made various religiously insane homophobic remarks while on the Spureme Court.

“All of these justices’ personal and private actions that actively endorse marriage clearly indicate how they would vote on same-sex marriage cases before the Supreme Court,” parodied The Funny Farm. “Congress has directed that federal judicial officers must disqualify themselves from hearing cases in specified circumstances. Scalia and Thomas have not only been opposed to same-sex marriage but they have also proven themselves to be activists on the subject. In order to ensure the Court’s integrity and impartiality, both should recuse themselves from same-sex marriage cases. Congress has an obligation to Americans to see that members of the Supreme Court are held to the highest standards of integrity. The law demands it, and the people deserve it.”

The Funny Farm is producing this parody of an actual press release from actual grown adults, asking all to write a letter to their members of Congress, urging them to remind members of the nation’s highest court of their charge to maintain impartiality. Title 28, Part I, Chapter 21, Section 455 of the U.S. Code titled “Disqualification of justice, judge, or magistrate judge,” states that “Any justice, judge, or magistrate judge of the United States shall disqualify himself in any proceeding in which his impartiality might reasonably be questioned.”

Thomas performed a May 27, 1994 marriage ceremony for lying sack of kimchi Rush Limbaugh and his third trophy wife (now divorced after the marriage contract period has completed) in Virginia. And Scalia has compared homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia in published Supreme Court opinions.

Scalia has never considered any of his prejudices as being sufficient to recuse himself for any case before the Supreme Court to date. His well known religiously insane rants have been a staple of the court for years now.

The Funny Farm suggests in this Action Alert that concerned Americans write a letter to their members of Congress urging them to call on Justices Scalia and Thomas to recuse themselves from any same-sex marriage cases, as their previous actions in performing opposite-sex ceremonies, and their previous Supreme Court opinions involving homosexuality raise more than a reasonable doubt regarding their impartiality on this issue.

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I would like to point out that the original press release demands that Kagan and Ginsburg recuse themselves because they officiated at same sex wedding ceremonies, but surprisingly does not mention that these justices have also presided at opposite sex marriages, and do not think that they should be recused from any same sex marriage cases because their officiating at opposite sex marriage ceremonies does not prejudice them against same sex marriage. Funny how that works…

There have also been other Supremes who have officiated at wedding ceremonies, by the way. I originally included Scalito in the bunch who should be recused, but there is so little about him online that I could not find any examples to hammer him with.

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